


I Love "You".

by piberrynk



Category: Haikyuu!!, haikyuu
Genre: Akaashi Keiji & Kozume Kenma Friendship, Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Angst, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Friend, Gaslighting, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, Insecure Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma - Freeform, KuroKen - Freeform, Kuroo Tetsurou - Freeform, Kuroo Tetsurou is Bad at Feelings, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Little Shit, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Mess, M/M, Mentioned Tsukishima Kei, Post-Timeskip, Slow Build, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is a Little Shit, i dont want to give spoilers by the tags, kenma overthinking?, kuroken engaged, mlm, tsukishima kei - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piberrynk/pseuds/piberrynk
Summary: Kozume Kenma; 23, and Kuroo Tetsurou; 24, had been best friends since they were 8, so it wasn’t shocking when it was announced that they had gotten engaged. Everybody knew that they were perfect for each other. They both seemed to be madly in love. They had to be, right?
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 26
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oh god i honestly have no idea how relationships work please forgive me (also this is my first time posting on ao3 so i have no idea what I'm doing, especially since the last time i wrote fanfic was 2 years ago on wattpad but hah anyway)

“Ken-ken! I’m sorry, I’ll be a bit late coming home tonight. Work things.”

Kenma sighed and put his phone down, turning back to look at his PC screen. 9 pm. 

The room was filled with silence, except for occasional notifications and pings from Discord. He reached over for an almost empty can of coke but hesitated as certain thoughts filled his head. Kuroo’s voicemail set something off in Kenma. He knew that it wasn’t usual for Kuroo to just end a message by saying “Work Things.”, but would rather give a brief explanation as to what he was doing. 

“This is the second time this week…Maybe he’s just busy?” he mumbled to himself;  _ It’s almost the end of the year, Tetsu has been mentioning that big project for a while now. But- he always made sure to come home on time, no matter what. Kenma, what are you thinking. This isn’t high school. We aren’t in high school. Tetsu has a different schedule now.  _

“Fuck, stop overthinking. Just find something to distract yourself.”

Not having the motivation or energy to play any games that required his full focus and attention, he opted to pass his time by lazily playing Hades with no intention of actually getting anywhere in the game. 

_ Why am I scared? What am I even scared of? Fuck- Kenma, just breathe. You’re just overthinking this. Kuroo isn’t going to leave you. He loves you, and you love him! …...He isn’t going to leave...right? He does love me? Damn it stop thinking about these things, you’re only hurting yourself more by doing so. This is just unnecessary doubt. You’ve already made progress to spend the rest of your lives together.  _

Kenma’s eyes stared blankly at the screen where he was in the middle of a dialogue with Nyx. He spammed the ‘A‘ button to get out of the repetitive dialogue. As he continued playing and got more engrossed, the thoughts he had previously left his mind. Kenma liked video games because not only were they fun, they helped him escape from reality, they got him out of any ‘negative’ head-spaces he may have been in, video games were what he depended on for a break from everything. Of course, there were the occasional feelings of numbness when he’d come back to his senses after long, continuous hours of playing, but he started getting used to it and didn’t let it bother him to an extent.

_ This is fine. _

\----------

Light footsteps and the sound of the front door closing snapped Kenma out of his game.  _ How long have I been playing? ...My legs hurt.  _ He checked the time, 1 am.  _ Did Tetsu just get back home?  _ Kenma slowly left his gaming room, squinting due to the much brighter light in the living room. The house felt quiet, empty, everything felt stiff, as if all life had been drained out. While it wasn’t rare to be awake at this time (everybody knew that Kodzuken streams always took place at ungodly hours), he still felt extremely unsettled and lacked energy, but why? Why did he feel like this?.  _ What the hell Kenma. Stop. Stop overthinking. You’re fine.  _

Kuroo set his phone and bag down when he noticed Kenma walk out of his room. Hair tied back in a low bun, front strands softly framing his face, and dark eye bags. The ‘classic’ kenma look. Kuroo smiled softly as kenma walked closer to him. The feeling of being unsettled left as Kenma became more aware of Kuroo’s presence. 

“Hey Kitten, I’m sorry, did I wake you? I tried to be as quiet as possible coming back in.”

Kuroo reached out for Kenma, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him in for a hug. Kenma gave Kuroo a soft kiss on his chin, giggling a bit. Ever since they had met when they were 8, deep down, he knew that what he and Kuroo had was so much more than just a close friendship. He remembered the time when Kuroo had asked to be his boyfriend one night back in high school, while they were cleaning the gym. The cheers from their Nekoma teammates and coach Nekomata’s approving nod. All memories of what started something amazing for the two. Despite being terrible at showing his emotions, or even understanding his own properly, the one thing he could confirm was that he loved Kuroo endlessly. 

Kenma looked over to his hand, arms still around Kuroo. The silver band on his finger softly reflected the light around it beautifully. More memories came flooding back to him. Kenma laughed to himself, remembering how his proposal to Kuroo went. Everybody found it funny but cute how the two had proposed to each other at the same time. Bokuto and Hinata, who had been quietly sitting at the table at the time, awaiting the proposal, soon turned into the loudest people at the restaurant. 

“I missed you dumbass…” Kenma softly spoke, nuzzling into Kuroo’s chest. 

“I wish I could have come home sooner, I didn’t want to leave you alone for so long”

“Kuroo- ...Tetsurou, I'm not a child. I can be left alone.”

Kuroo laughed softly. “I can tell that you’re tired too, let's go to bed now, okay? I’m glad that it’s finally Friday tomorrow...today actually.”

“Stupid- but I’m not even tired right now.”

“Dumbass? Kuroo? Stupid? What happened to calling me babe or baby?” Kuroo joked, making a pouting face.

Kenma rolled his eyes,

“Okay babe. Let’s go to bed now. There is still work. We must sleep.”

“I take it back, forget what I said earlier-”

“But baby, you suggested sleeping now.” Kenma continued to tease.

The two stared at each other in complete silence, not breaking eye contact. After a brief moment, they both gave in and broke into laughter.

At this moment, the two boys knew they were sharing the same thought:  _ I love you. _

\----------

As the two sat on the bed, preparing to sleep, Kenma curled up closer to Kuroo, signaling that he wanted any physical contact. Simply being able to be next to Kuroo would have sufficed, but being in another hug would have felt nice too. Kuroo glanced down to Kenma, admiring everything about him.  _ God. I am so in love.  _ Wrapping one arm around Kenma, kuroo scrolled through social media for a while, wanting to check up on where everybody was, and how they were doing. His friends from the MSBY Black Jackals seemed to be doing great, especially Hinata, who seemed to be thriving. Previous Nekoma teammates all were busy with either volleyball or their separate careers, but they all still kept in touch. Kuroo looked back down at Kenma again, checking on what he was up to.

Kenma scrolled through hundreds of photos. Photos from high school, their first date (and the dozens of dates that followed), their double proposal, and moving in together. They were going to spend the rest of their lives together. Nothing could possibly change that fact. Kuroo checked the time, 1:45 am. Upon realizing how late it was getting, he made the move to get up and turn the lights off. Kenma slightly flinched due to the sudden darkness around him and bright light from his phone nearly blinding him.

“Put your phone away before you end up needing glasses” Kuroo spoke, jokingly.

“Shhhh, shut up.” Kenma whispered, turning his phone off, but turning it back on just to double-check that all necessary morning alarms were set, and then turned to face Kuroo again.

“I still can't believe that we’ll be sharing the same last name in 6 months. I love you so much, Kenma.”

“And after those 6 months, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**5:30 am**

Kenma was woken up by the sounds of Kuroo getting ready for work. 

_He’s already leaving? But it’s so early. Fucking hell Kenma not this again. Can I please not think about this right now?_

The sun hadn’t risen yet, and there wasn’t much light in the room aside from what was coming from a small lamp which was on. He was still able to make out Kuroo’s figure in the doorway, who was adjusting his blazer and typing out a few messages on his phone before setting it back down to write on a few documents. Kuroo loved to always look his best whenever he could, after all, appearance was one thing he cared about, especially in his job.

While still pretending to be asleep, Kenma noticed Kuroo’s phone light up, a text, based on the notification sound. A distinct look was plastered on Kuroo’s face as he checked his phone. Was it concern? Annoyance? Fear? Seriousness? Or a mix of all of them? Kenma couldn’t tell, but it’s not like he had enough energy to pay much attention to it anyway. Once he heard the front door close, he reached over for a pillow, hugging it, wishing that he could have cuddled with Kuroo for a while longer. The scent of Kuroo’s perfume lingered in the room, and the cold breeze from the aircon made Kenma feel at ease and caused him to drift back to sleep.

**8:30 am**

Light vibrations and the loud, annoying, ringtone of the alarm that he hated with a burning passion woke him up without failure. After lazily reaching out to shut his alarm off, he slowly opened his eyes. The curtains softly dispersed the sunlight in a soft glow around the room. Once he was adjusted to the light, he checked his phone notifications, noticing that he had some messages from Kuroo.

_5:46 am_

**[KUROO]** : I hope I didn’t disturb you earlier when I left, I had another work emergency to handle.

 **[KUROO]** : I just want to finish this project as soon as possible

 **[KUROO]:** I miss spending time with you :(

_8:33 am_

**[KENMA]:** hey sorry, i just woke up. good morning!

 **[KENMA]:** hah, it's fine, i understand. i know how important it is, don't worry about it <3

 **[KENMA]:** do you know what time you’ll be home today?

 **[KUROO]:** Unfortunately not. I’ll try to be back around 8 pm today though.

 **[KUROO]:** I’ve got to go now, bye kitten!

 **[KENMA]:** bye tetsu! i love you :)

_I love you._

Kenma sighed and got out of bed, making his way to the kitchen. The fridge handle felt unusually cold, but still being a bit foggy mentally to care, he just shrugged it off.

_It’s nothing Kenma. Why the hell are you questioning the handle being colder than usual?_

He glanced at everything available in his fridge but was unsure of what he felt like eating. Did he even want to eat right now? Usually, he was able to go without food until noon. Pushing that away, he decided that a small snack would suffice for now. Closing the fridge, he reached for a small pack of iced gems that sat in his pantry, then walked over to the living room so that he could watch some TV and respond to several work emails.

Kenma sat down on the floor in front of his laptop and got back to his work, occasionally throwing an iced gem into his mouth. Thankfully, there wasn’t that much to do, and Kenma managed to finish everything important that he needed to in less than an hour. While getting up to move to the couch and watch TV, he realized that something didn’t feel right.

_Why is it cold right now?_

Kenma looked over to the aircon unit, realizing that it was on.

_Ah. That explains why the handle was cold earlier. But, why was the aircon even on? I made sure to turn it off last night before we slept. Did Kuroo leave the aircon on in the morning when he left? Maybe- Am I seriously thinking this much over an aircon again? What has been up with me recently? I should just go back to watching TV._

_\----------_

**7:24 pm**

An obnoxious call ringtone once again got Kenma’s attention. He hated the constant jingle and beeping sounds his phone made whenever somebody would call him, but he intentionally made it that way to force him to actually pay attention to the call rather than ignoring it because of a game.

_I should really change my ringtones._

Kenma picked up the phone quickly upon realizing that it was Kuroo who was calling and responded, deciding to tease Kuroo a bit this time.

“Hey, daddy~ why’d you call?”

“Kitten! I just wanted to- wait did you just call me “daddy” ?”

Loud chattering could be heard from Kuroo’s end. A few distinct and familiar voices could be heard. Familiar voices?

_Kuroo doesn’t have an office job with anyone we know, right? Unless- he’s with volleyball friends? But, that music in the back. No. No. He definitely isn’t at his office right now. Nothing makes sense right now. What the fuck. Okay, stay calm._

“Shut up. Now, what did you want to tell me?”

“I'm sorry to have to do this again but I might get home late again, earlier than last night thankfully; Probably around 10:30? You know I hate having to come home late too, I’m so sorry Kenma.”

“It’s fine, again, I completely understand. We can just spend more time together on the weekend anyway, right?” Kenma tried to say in a positive tone, but his sigh must have been a bit louder than he anticipated, given the response Kuroo gave.

“Kenma- I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Alright, it's fine. Where are you right now?”

“The office, why do you ask? I mean- where else would I be anyway?”

_It doesn’t sound like it._

“Ah my bad, I was just wondering where the music in the back was coming from.”

“OH! Yeah, sorry about that, a few guys are having a small birthday celebration. That’s why it’s a bit loud in here right now.”

“Are you sure everything is okay there though?”

“Of course it is Kenma. I love you, alright? Why would I ever lie to you?”

Kenma paused for a second, trying to gather his thoughts as quickly as possible. Kuroo would’ve been able to tell that something was up, based on the duration of time it took Kenma to respond.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll see you later, okay? Now, get back to work Tetsu, I love you!”

“See you at home Kenma, love you too.” Kuroo said with a happy tone in his voice.

_Nothing is wrong. He’s right, Kenma. Kuroo has no reason to lie to you. Why would he anyway? He’s always been honest with you for as long as you’ve known him, and when he did lie, they were mostly just to be nice. He loves you, Kenma._

_“You need. To stop. Thinking like this.” He scolded himself;_

Kenma just brushed all of his doubts off as relationship anxiety. He made himself believe that these ‘small’ fears and doubts were only there because of him being scared of the future, especially with only 6 months to go until his marriage with Tetsurou. He knew that over time, they would subside. After all, he wanted to be in a happy and secure marriage with Tetsuro, and even in their relationship now. Kenma knew he had to stop with these insecurities.

\----------

Kenma felt like doing something nice for Kuroo, a small gesture to express his love, especially since Kuroo had been consumed by work assignments recently. Baking something didn’t seem too hard to do, and who wouldn’t appreciate a small treat? A blog with a recipe for a cinnamon apple cake caught Kenma’s attention. He glanced at the time, surprised that it was still early in the night. **8 pm.** Kuroo was supposed to have been home by now, but given the call they had earlier, Kenma estimated that he would have had enough time to make the cake. Gathering all the supplies he needed, he got to work, following the recipe as precisely as he could. He wanted this to be perfect for Kuroo, he deserved this.

**9:55 pm**

Kenma had just finished decorating the cake with a minimalist design of frosting, carefully setting it on the counter. He didn’t want anything to overpower the cinnamon-apple taste that he had worked so hard on to hopefully get right. He felt proud of his work, it looked good in his opinion, although he wasn’t so sure what it tasted like. At this point, all he could do was hope it was good. 

**10:40 pm**

“Kenma!!”

Rushed footsteps were heard across the hall, and before Kuroo was able to realize what was happening, Kenma had already flung himself into his arms, causing the two to lose balance. Kenma quickly placed his hand behind Kuroo’s head to shield him from any impact. Once they were both on the ground, Kuroo smiled at Kenma, giving him that soft and heart-pulling gaze. Kuroo made the move to stand up first, pulling Kenma up with him.

“I made you something! Come here!” Kenma exclaimed as he dragged Kuroo to the kitchen.

“Aw, I was wondering what smelt so good a while ago. You made this for me?! Thank you, Ken-ken!” Kuroo happily spoke

_Kuroo has a faint smell of smoke. He doesn’t smoke._


	3. Chapter 3

Kenma didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. He didn’t want to jump to anything. He had made himself believe that he was just scared, insecure, doubtful and that he was now also probably just overthinking about why Kuroo’s shirt smelt like smoke. It wouldn’t hurt to ask him anyway, right? What’s the worse that could possibly happen? Well, one negative thing could be Kuroo laughing at him. What would Kuroo think if he was asked this? Would he think this was a joke? Would he be able to see how concerned Kenma was? Kenma desperately wanted to bring up the call as well. It still didn’t make sense as to why there was loud, party-like music in a professional work environment. 

_This overthinking has to stop. It’s only damaging my view on Tetsurou._

Kenma had so many questions, questions that he didn’t want to have in the first place, filling his head. He started going through all of Kuroo’s possible responses in his head, and while he wanted to stay positive while thinking about the responses because after all, Kuroo wouldn’t be harsh towards him (as he wanted to believe), Kenma couldn’t help but think of the negative ways Kuroo would respond. Be it sarcasm, annoyance, anger, Kuroo was unpredictable with showing emotions. He hated himself for having these thoughts. He hated himself so much for doubting their relationship. Kenma could already hear it: 

_“Kitten, you’re really insecure about that? What, you think I’m doing something behind your back? Do you not love me enough to have some trust in me? Pathetic.”_

Kenma hit his head a few times, a desperate attempt to stop these thoughts. Maybe his thoughts were right. Did he not love Kuroo enough to trust him? Kenma had passed the phrase “I love you.” around consistently ever since they had been dating for a year, that he couldn’t properly identify when he said it in a jokingly, not completely meaningful way, and when he genuinely meant it. He did love Kuroo, really, there was no doubt about it. Hell, he was getting married in 6 months, but all of his thoughts just kept endlessly bothering him. 

_Ask him._

Kenma curled up, folding his legs to his chest, and adjusted his position on the bed. A hand reached over and rested on his arm, followed by Kuroo pulling kenma closer. Kenma hated himself for having these thoughts while next to Kuroo. 

_Maybe you should ask someone for help. Shoyou, or even Keiji and Kotarou._

He settled on talking to Keiji and Kotarou since they had already been married for a year now. By talking to them, he may be able to get an explanation as to why he was feeling this way. Maybe this really is just marriage anxiety?

\----------

**9:30 am.**

Kuroo gently woke Kenma up by lightly tapping his cheek. Kenma turned over, pulling the blanket over his head to shield himself.

“Kenma, baby- It’s time to get up,” Kuroo spoke in a low and tired voice, before patting Kenma’s shoulder and getting out of bed himself.

“But why...It’s still kinda early. Can’t we sleep more?” Kenma’s voice was slightly slurred, tired, of course.

“I wish I could say yes, but fortunately we have lunch with the Bokutos later. I’m sure Keiji and Kotarou will be happy to see you again!”

“Oh shit, I honestly forgot about that, what attire are we wearing?”

“Just casual. Kenma, please don’t wear a dress shirt and pants-”

Kenma sat up in bed, giving his disapproving nose scrunch and glare to Kuroo.

“Try me, bitch.”

“Well, do what you want.”

Kenma finally got out of the bed, heading towards his side of the closet to pick an outfit out. He considered wearing a sweater from Bouncing Ball, straight black pants, and a few chain accessories to add more to the outfit. Simple, but it’ll do.

\----------

As the 4 met at the restaurant, Kenma couldn’t help but notice how happy Keiji looked with Kotarou.

_Wait. I can take this lunch as a chance to ask. I’ll just need to make sure that-_

“Kenma! How are you?” Keiji happily asked, slightly bending down to hug him. Kotarou smiled from behind, also greeting Kenma.

Kenma felt as if he was slightly behind on everything going on between the 3 of them, especially since Kuroo constantly met with Kotarou for volleyball events, and Keiji would always join in on some conversations after matches. 

They sat down, Kenma choosing to sit closer to the window in their booth. He observed their surroundings, the aesthetics of the restaurant, even the small details like the engravings on the bowls and chopsticks. The group decided to order large amounts of meat to barbeque on the table.

_Pretend everything is okay, Kenma. All you need to do is wait for a moment to be alone with Keiji and Kotarou. I really hope Kuroo excuses himself for a while. Wh- Why am I starting to worry again? We just went over this. Pretend to be unbothered, ignore these thoughts for now. You’ve always been able to hide your feelings anyway, right? What’s so hard anyway? Just smile, laugh, and wait._

Kenma repeated all of his thoughts over and over to himself. He felt his face grow hotter, eyes filling with a light layer of tears. An uncomfortable pressure took over his chest.

_Fuck. Not now. Why now? Just Breathe, Kenma. Distract yourself. Just imagine having all of your gaming equipment des- wait that’s not helping._ Happy thoughts. Breathe. Happy thoughts. Getting new gaming equipment. BREATHE. Talking to Shoyo. Why am I not thinking about Kuroo? Fu-

“Kenma, are you alright?”

His thoughts were interrupted by Keiji’s soft voice, filled with concern. Kuroo and Kotarou stopped their conversation to check on Kenma too. Kenma hated this. He hated being the center of attention. 

“Ah- sorry, sorry, I just bit into a pepper.” He said quickly, reaching out for his water to make it seem more believable. 

He untucked his hair from behind his ear, letting it flow loosely around his face. Making his field of vision smaller by doing so helped him at times when he felt anxious, and Kuroo knew this. In an attempt to help, Kuroo changed the topic, bringing the attention back to him. 

_Thank you._

To reduce the tension between the four, Kenma tried having small talk with Keiji, just a simple check up on each other’s lives. The two mostly talked about their jobs, and no matter how desperately Kenma wanted to ask about the overthinking, he held himself back.

_Now isn’t the time._

After what felt like hours, but was just 30 minutes, Kuroo excused himself to go to handle a quick business call from his boss. Kenma eyed him as he walked out the door of the restaurant. Following Kenma’s luck, Kuroo chose to stay farther away from the restaurant. With the comfort of knowing that Kuroo wouldn’t be able to notice that anything was wrong through the window, he decided to explain everything. He had to know.

“I have a really important question, is that okay?” Kenma asked as he quickly turned to face Keiji and Kotarou, desperation in his voice and eyes.

“Of course, what’s been bothering you?” Keiji reached over for Kenma’s hand, gently holding it. Kotarou’s face was filled with worry.

“Um… Before you guys got married, did you ever have thoughts or doubts? Any insecurities about your relationship?”

“Honestly speaking, yeah. I know that Keiji had them, and so did I, but we talked through it to clear everything out.” Kotarou spoke, Keiji nodding in agreement.

_So, it’s not just me?_

“I see. I had to ask this because...I don’t know, Tetsurou has been coming home later than usual. I'm aware that he has a work project, and he might just be busy with that, but when I called him yesterday, there was loud chattering and some music in the background. He said that it was just a birthday celebration at the office so I took that. Although, another thing that makes me feel a bit uneasy is that when Tetsu got home yesterday, I noticed that he smelled a bit like smoke- cigarettes, but maybe that’s my imagination? I have never seen him even touch a cigarette before, and he hasn’t ever brought it up.”

Keiji and Kotarou were stuck by everything Kenma just said. They needed to take a minute to comprehend everything that was just said. There was a brief moment of silence, which Kenma hated. He didn’t like it being quiet after he had just spoken, so to distract himself, he fidgeted with his fingers. He felt Kotarou reach over across the table, placing his hand on Kenma’s shoulder.

“Ken, you need to talk to him about this, especially with concerns this heavy.”

“Yeah, the longer you keep this to yourself, the worse it’s going to become. We can help you if you ever need it, okay?” Keiji added in.

Kenma stared down at his lap quietly, not knowing how to respond next. He knew that Kotarou and Keiji were right; If he kept this to himself longer without telling Kuroo, it would just make things harder for him. He didn’t want to be insecure about his relationship with him at all. Kenma gathered his thoughts and cleared his throat a bit. Looking up to both of them, he could just lightly nod his head.

“Thank you, I’ll try to.”

\----------

Kuroo returned to their table, clueless to what had just happened. Keiji and Kotarou knew that they also had to act like nothing was going on, for Kenma’s sake.

“Hey hey, what did I miss?” Kuroo chimed as he sat back down.

“Not much! Kou was just talking about the black jackals and how everyone else is.” Keiji responded, Kenma nodding to agree with a smile on his face.

_Talk to him later._

The rest of the lunch went well. They were sure to not bring up anything that would cause any tension anymore. Kenma decided that tonight when they were home, he would ask Kuroo about everything. That he would talk to him about his concerns. He had to. He knew that he could always ask Keiji and Kotarou for help if he hesitated with anything. 

\----------

It was around 11 pm, and Kenma sat with Kuroo’s head on his lap. They were both on their phones, simply minding their own business. Kenma had been wanting to talk to Kuroo for the past 30 minutes, but never knew how to bring it up, and hesitated every time he tried to say something. He was so mentally tired at this point, the thoughts draining large amounts of his energy throughout the day. He let out a long exhale, before opening a chat with Keiji to message him.

_You won’t be a burden by talking to him. He even offered to help you. It’s alright, you can do this._

**[KENMA]:** keiji, are you free to talk right now?

 **[KEIJI]:** Of course. What’s up? Is this about Kuroo?

 **[KENMA]:** yeah,,, i’ve been wanting to bring up what i mentioned earlier to him but i keep hesitating

 **[KENMA]:** i dont know why im so scared of talking to him about this right now

 **[KENMA]:** i’ve known him since i was 7. i know that i can talk to him about anything

 **[KEIJI]:** Okay, first, what’s the mood like there?

 **[KENMA]:** it’s..calm? we aren’t really talking but he’s lying down on my lap.

 **[KEIJI]:** The best advice I can give is honestly, just be direct, go straight to what you want to ask. Be honest with him.

 **[KEIJI]:** Do you have that planned out yet?

 **[KENMA]:** nope, i dont know how i’m going to bring it up to him. how does one start smth like that?

 **[KENMA]:** like, okay. i hate to say this, i don’t even want to type it, but my suspicion is that he’s cheating on me. i know that it doesn’t make sense, we’re engaged for fucks sake, but it’s still a possibility.

 **[KENMA]:** i hate this so much.

 **[KEIJI]:** Do you think you’ll be okay with just asking that directly?

 **[KENMA]:** i honestly dont know. wait, would you be okay with me typing out what im going to say or ask here?

 **[KEIJI]:** Not at all, please go ahead. I’m here to help you :)

Kenma paused for a moment to think.

_Just be direct._

**[KENMA]:** tetsu, is there anything going on? i can tell something is off. *here, i would explain the few points to why im feeling this way*. im going to have to ask this, as much as i dont want to, but are you cheating on me? seeing someone else?

 **[KEIJI]:** I think that should be fine. You can do this, Kenma. Kou and I believe in you. You’ve got this, okay?

 **[KENMA]:** thank you. <3 

Kenma looked down at Kuroo. He had to do this now. He couldn’t prolong this. Thoughts filled his head once again, but he forced himself to ignore them.

_No. Not now. I’m not going to let those thoughts stop me. This is for the sake of my sanity and my relationship with Tetsu. I can do this, I know I can. I’m stronger than I think I am. I already know what to say, so what’s stopping me right now? But what if he really does say “Kitten, you’re really insecure about that? What, you think I’m doing something behind your back? Do you not love me enough to have some trust in me? Pathetic.”. No. He wouldn’t. He’s never spoken to me in that way before. But, what if he does now? FUCK, Kenma, you’re overthinking again. You have to do this right now. Just get it over with, okay?_

Kenma read through his messages with Keiji again. 

_“Just be direct”. “Be honest with him.”_

Kenma already did these things, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Kuroo. He thought back to how when they were 10, they promised each other to never lie. They wanted to have a bond where they would always show their true selves, and where they would feel comfortable to express anything with each other. Comfortable. He should feel comfortable with Kuroo, right? They’ve known each other for around 16 years now? Kenma seemed to have a habit of squinting his eyes and looking to the side when he was either deep in thought or expressing disgust. Kuroo noticed this happening.

Kuroo laughed a bit, placing his hand on Kenma’s cheek, moving it down to his chin, then his neck. Kenma pulled Kuroo’s hand away, which caused Kuroo to get up. Kenma stared into Kuroo’s eyes again. They were soft, loving, showed genuine concern for why Kenma acted the way he did. It wasn’t usual for Kenma to refuse physical contact from Kuroo, so he found his hand being pulled away slightly alarming. Both of them shared the same thought:

_Does he know something is wrong? Can he tell?_

“Kenma, is something bothering you? You’ve been acting strange, or different, since last night. What’s going on, love?”

_Now. You have to do this now, Kenma. Tetsu already asked, all you have to do is explain._

“Okay. You’ve been coming home uncomfortably late recently, and leaving at extremely early times in the morning. Why did you leave so quickly after getting a text yesterday morning? I was awake, you know? When you called me yesterday, aside from the music, I heard familiar voices in the background. People we knew in high school. Tetsu, I know that you occasionally have them come over to your office, but the music? Coming home late on the same night? Also please, I’m not going to act like I didn’t notice. Your shirt smelled like smoke last night when I hugged you. I’m sorry to have to ask this Tetsu, but please be honest right now. Are you seeing someone else? Are you...cheating..?”

_There. It’s done._

Kuroo was shocked by everything that was just said. Kenma felt his chest grow heavy again, eyes filling with tears, body shaking a bit. He tried to talk, but couldn’t. Kuroo quickly wrapped his arms around Kenma, seconds before Kenma broke, sobbing quietly. His grip on Kuroo tightened, desperate to have something to hold on to, something he could grasp. Kuroo did what we could do, gently combing through Kenma’s hair and rocking him gently back and forth, anything to get Kenma to settle down. They sat together in silence, patiently waiting for Kenma to become slightly more stable again. After 5 minutes had passed, once the sobbing stopped and Kenma pulled away from Kuroo’s embrace, he made an effort to talk again. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break down like that...” Kenma said in a soft, shaky voice.

“No no no, kitten, don’t apologize for this. I should be the one saying sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry that much. I shouldn’t have made you worry like that. Please, Kenma, let me explain, okay?”

Kenma slightly nodded, allowing Kuroo to continue.

“You seriously think that I’m going to cheat on you? Kitten, that’s just being unreasonable and crazy. I love you so, so much. I have loved you since middle school. I could never bring myself to cheat on you, that would just hurt me too much. I hate seeing you unhappy, you know that, right? I just want to clarify everything for you. Firstly, I’ve been coming home late and leaving early because of the final project proposals. They’re big, important, and the team is trying to make sure that everything is perfect for the clients. The music the other day? It really was just a birthday party being celebrated at the office. I didn’t realize that you’d catch on to the familiar voices but since you have already mentioned them, I will admit, yeah. Some old Karasuno and Nekoma friends visited me yesterday, so that’s why you could hear them. They mostly just dropped in to say hi and also to ask about you!”

Kuroo held Kenma’s chin, pulling it up. Kenma’s breathing was slow, he didn’t show much body language, and kept quiet for a while.

“I’m sorry, yeah, you’re right. I was just being unreasonable I guess. I shouldn’t have been insecure like that. I know that you wouldn’t cheat on me, so I don’t really know why I suspected that. I’m so sorry for acting like that Tetsu.”

Kuroo smiled and gave Kenma a light kiss, then picked him up to carry him to their bed.

“You must be tired, we should get some sleep.” Kuroo said quietly as he laid kenma down on the bed, spreading the blanket over him. Kuroo also got into bed, lightly playing with Kenma’s hair until he fell asleep, which didn’t take much time.

5 minutes had passed of it being dead silent in the room. Once Kuroo was positive that Kenma had passed out, he brought out his phone to go through social media for a while. He ended his night by talking to a few friends and shutting his phone off before turning back to Kenma to hug him again.

\----------

**[KUROO]:** He’s catching on.

 **[???]:** Did you manage to convince him that he was just overreacting?

 **[KUROO]:** He’s easy to work around and convince. Don’t worry.

 **[???]:** Of course, Kenma is. Hahahah, well goodnight, I love you.

 **[KUROO]:** I love you too~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh dear.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun rose again, later and dimmer than usual. Clouds fogged up the sky and a light mist filled the air. All life was quiet outside, and the birds that usually chirped, singing their songs, were silent. No vehicles, animals, or people could be heard. Everything felt empty, sad, like something was missing; something that couldn’t be properly identified. Soon, raindrops filled the room with a gentle and calming sound as it hit the window. A now much colder feeling following the rain woke Kuroo up. His eyes opened to the sight of Kenma, who was peacefully sleeping in his arms. A sudden and unexpected wave of guilt that had never been felt before washed over Kuroo, drowning him with emotions, both toward Kenma, his fiancé, and who he was seeing separately. 

Kuroo couldn’t stop wondering what led to all of this happening. What in his ‘stupid little brain’ made him do this? Why was he seeing someone else? Was he bored of Kenma? No. Did he not love Kenma anymore? Also no. He still had a heart for Kenma, so why? Why was he also seeing _him_ ? Kuroo hugged Kenma closer, remembering all that was said the night before when Kenma had asked if he was cheating. Kuroo remembered how it felt, how his heart dropped when asked that, and while he knew that everything Kenma had said was true, he still lied to him. _Hurt him._ But the damage had already been done, Kuroo didn’t feel like he could just tell the truth to Kenma now. He knew that doing so would feel like a heavy betrayal for Kenma, ruin any form of trust that he has with anyone, and would shatter his heart.

It pained Kuroo, knowing that he would have to lie to Kenma more, just to keep his secret going. Flashbacks of the nights spent with Kuroo’s other “lover” didn’t help. As much as Kuroo had loved the immense amount of pleasure, the heavy breathing, melodic moans, and marks given, he didn’t want to remember those now. Instead, he woke Kenma up by gently nudging him.

“Morning, Kitten~” Kuroo said in a deep voice.

Kenma squinted his eyes, either from annoyance or the light that seemed to hurt his eyes. It didn’t look like Kenma wanted to talk, which was understandable for Kuroo, given last night’s events. But still, Kenma made an effort to still greet Kuroo because after all, Kuroo had no reason to cheat or lie to him, right? 

“Mmhh, hi Tetsu…”, Kenma spoke, in a tired and faded voice.

“Are you still upset about what happened yesterday?”

Kenma nodded.

“Kenma, calm down. I said I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to do that, but I also know to not do that anyway. Take your time, but don’t worry about it, okay? Now, don’t be upset over something this small.”

Kuroo brought Kenma in for a hug, and while Kenma tried to push away, not wanting physical contact right now, Kuroo pulled him in against Kenma’s will, forcing him to stay there. Kenma couldn’t do anything but comply with what Kuroo wanted at that moment, and just stared blankly at the wall. Kenma just reflected on what Kuroo said. 

_“I said I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to do that-_ _Now, don’t be upset over something this small”. Tetsurou is right. Maybe I am just overreacting? I trust him, of course, I do._

Kenma turned his body, burying his face in Kuroo’s chest. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”

Kuroo smiled, now knowing that working around Kenma was much easier than he had thought. Yes, he still loved Kenma, but he also shared that heart with someone else now.

\----------

As Kuroo was freshening up, he stared at himself in the mirror. Red and purple marks were littered on his torso and thighs. Despite the guilt he felt towards Kenma, Kuroo still felt a longingness for whoever it was that he was seeing too. He gently traced the outline of the hickeys, then stopped to stare at himself in the mirror.

_Kuroo Tetsurou, you fucking bitch._

If he was going to be honest, Kuroo would say that he hated himself for getting into this mess. But, he also slightly enjoyed it.

All Kuroo had to do was keep this secret, this act, and these lies going. He had to do what he could, anything that he could, to prevent Kenma from finding out. And even if Kenma happened to notice more clues and odd behavior, and no matter how correct and valid his points were, Kuroo had to make sure that we would be able to shut Kenma down from that thinking. To bring Kenma away from those suspicions. It was inevitable that Kuroo felt slight pain because he hated having to see Kenma in pain, hurt in any way, physically and mentally. The added guilt, knowing that he was the one doing this to him? It tore him. He didn’t know why he continued to do this to Kenma, why couldn’t he just stop seeing the other person? Why was he choosing to do this to both of them?

A few knocks were heard at the door, “Kuroo? Babe you in there?”

Panicked with all of the hickeys exposed, Kuroo immediately grabbed a shirt laying on the floor and pulled it over himself. 

“Hey! Sorry, was I taking long?” He asked as he opened the door, letting Kenma in.

“Oh, not at all, don’t worry about it! I just needed to grab a hair tie.”

Kuroo reached over to help get a hair tie, handing it over to him. After a quick “thank you”, Kenma left, making his way to his gaming room, probably to grind on Genshin Impact. 

\----------

The entire day went by pretty quickly. After all, it was a Sunday, and time always seemed to go by faster on these days. Kenma was fully invested in playing and hadn’t left the room all day. Kuroo on the other hand had been moving around the house a lot. Trying to cook, watching tv, along with doing some work as well. As time progressed in the day, Kuroo started to worry less about Kenma and imagining how he’d react to finding out. Did he slightly care less about this “problem” now? Possibly. Kuroo just chose to push everything to the back of his mind and ignore them. Either way, he believed that he would be able to find happiness anyway with anyone. 

Kenma was able to play his game without being distracted by thoughts about what was going on between him and Kuroo.

_Maybe I am crazy? There are just 6 more months left. Six._

Kenma thought back to the conversation he had with Keiji the night before, realizing that he forgot to fill him in on what happened. After pausing his game and bringing his phone out, he did his best to remember the details of what happened to be able to properly explain everything.

**[KENMA]:** keiji!! hey, sorry for not updating you yesterday, i guess i didn’t realize how tired i was

 **[KEIJI]:** Not a problem at all, it’s understandable :)

 **[KEIJI]:** So, what did Tetsurou say?

 **[KENMA]:** i told him about all of my concerns and suspicions, but realized that i was overthinking.

 **[KENMA]:** tetsu reminded me that we were going to be married soon, and that he loved me so much.

 **[KENMA]:** so, he was quick to help me get out of my negative mindset. 

**[KEIJI]:** Oh, is that so? Are you sure things are alright?

 **[KEIJI]:** You know that you can tell me anything, Kou and I will always be here for you.

 **[KENMA]:** yeah! don’t worry about it, i think that all of this was just marriage anxiety.

 **[KENMA]:** thank you for caring so much tho!

 **[KEIJI]:** Hah, well, anytime Kenma. Hope to see you and Tetsu soon!

 **[KENMA]:** same goes for you and koutarou. again, thank you!

Keiji stared at the texts, analyzing what was being said. He wanted to believe that nothing was wrong too, but he couldn’t help but notice a few concerning factors. He still knew that something was definitely up with Kuroo, but he didn’t want to accuse or jump to any conclusions, especially without having any proof. Needing a second opinion on this, he showed his texts to Koutarou, who was also able to notice that something just didn’t feel right about what Kenma had said. Still, of course, wanting to be positive, he told himself and Keiji that nothing was going on, at the moment at least. They both wanted to wait for bigger things to happen before acting on anything to cover for Kenma. Keiji and Koutarou decided to notice and keep their eyes out for any small signs of suspicious behavior.

Kenma on the other hand believed everything that Kuroo had been saying. He trusted Kuroo, he loved Kuroo, and he believed that since he had known Kuroo for years now, he didn’t have to worry about this. 

\----------

**10:45 pm**

Kuroo had spent most of the day in his home office, watching a few movies and catching up on a little work that he had to do, mainly a presentation and a written report. Upon realizing how late it was given, especially with it being Monday the following day, he took a small break and laid back in his chair, recollecting his thoughts and energy because of how numb his mind became from continuously working for hours straight. He had also realized that Kenma was in his gaming room for the whole day, and couldn’t recall if he heard him leave at any point in the way to use the bathroom or get some food. Kuroo brushed it off, not giving it much care.

_I’ll be able to meet him again tomorrow, perfect. I could just use work as an excuse again._

Kuroo laughed to himself, smiling at the thought of being able to see _him_ again. Even if Kuroo was aware that Kenma trusted and believed his lies, he knew that Kenma was pretty smart too, and would be able to catch on to something again. Possibly with more proof to back his claims up, which would make it harder for Kuroo to lie and defend himself. 

_Kenma doesn’t seem to suspect anything, for now, I’ll use this to my advantage._

Kuroo sat back up properly, going back to check his emails once again. He decided to check twitch, noticing that Kenma was preoccupied with a stream. Kodzuken had been live for 2 hours now, and knowing Kenma’s habits, Kuroo knew that Kenma would probably spend 1-3 more hours, possibly even more, streaming.

_Looks like I’ll have a bit of extra free time._

Selecting one of his contacts, he made a call. The phone rang for a few seconds, the constant beep honestly annoying Kuroo.

_Pick up. Pick up. I want to talk to you._

The ringing stopped; “Tetsurou~ did you need something?

“Hey Tsukki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to apologize for how short my chapters are (it honestly bothers me too), but my brain has the inability to write more than 3000 words for each part :') 
> 
> maybe in the more climatic parts of the story, i'll be able to write more, so jdfhjdgh lets see :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!! there is some mild nsfw here! i will be using >> to indicate when it's going to start and << to signal it's end. thank you !!!  
>  but regarding that HHAHHAHAHHA IM SO SORRY I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE SMUT SO I JUST APPROACHED IT INDIRECTLY

It was hard to understand who he loved more, as Kuroo’s mixed feelings for both Kenma and Tsukishima swirled around him as if the guilt as satisfaction was haunting him. If we was going to be honest, he enjoyed being able to lie to Kenma and have him believe everything, knowing that this would make it easier than anticipated to have Kenma do anything he wanted. For Kuroo, as long as it was never discovered that he and Tsukishima were seeing each other, there wouldn’t be a problem. Kenma, who was clearly oblivious to everything that was happening, unable to see what Kuroo was doing to him, continued to live his days happily, continuously giving all of his love to Kuroo.

Whenever the words “I love you” would trail out of Kenma’s lips, all Kuroo could do was look at Kenma, while faking a smile, unable to look him directly in the eyes, simply replying with “I love you too”. A month easily went by of Kuroo being able to hide his secret perfectly, with not a single soul suspecting a thing. Kenma also hadn’t been able to catch onto any minor slip-ups Kuroo had, being completely blinded by Kuroo saying “I love you too much, and I would never cheat on you. Please, trust me.”. Kenma did trust him, more than anyone, so now, whenever he’d get any doubts, he’d immediately shove the thoughts away, forcing himself to ignore and forget them. He didn’t want those thoughts to ruin anything else, or cause a small bump between him and Kuroo again because he still felt like the incident that happened that one night was his fault; his fault for being so insecure about everything.

Tsukishima enjoyed watching Kenma unknowingly suffer from a distance. While he and Kuroo started as a drunk hook-up, it greatly escalated from there. Kuroo and Tsukishima were addicted to each other in a way, like a drug, and while they used to just be fuck buddies, they began to develop romantic feelings for each other. 

\----------

  
  


“Fuck- Tsukki, I need to go. I forgot that Kenma and I had plans for later, and I don’t want to be late.”

“Seriously? That bitch won’t care anyway, he’ll most likely just forgive you again.”

“I know. But I still need to go.”

“Can’t you stay a bit longer?”

“Kenma might start suspecting things again. We don’t want that to happen.” Kuroo said bluntly as he buttoned his shirt back up.

“Just throw the ‘‘I love you, Kenma. I’m sorry for being late’’ bullshit at him again. It always works anyway, right?” Tsukishima, who was clearly annoyed, sat up in bed.

“It does! But I can’t use that excuse so often. I’ll try to call or text you later though, okay?”

As Kuroo grabbed his bag and made his way to the door of Tsukki’s apartment, a hand on his wrist stopped him.

Golden brown eyes stared at him, half-filled with lust. “Call me.”

After a quick kiss, Kuroo immediately left, taking whatever shortcuts he could to get back to his house sooner. When he was about to unlock the door, it was swung open by Kenma, who was holding a few blankets and several snack items.

“Come on! I’ve got the movie loaded and ready to go.”

Kuroo chuckled, “Alright, alright. Just give me 10 minutes to change and freshen up a tiny bit, okay?”

Kenma nodded, walking over to the couch to put everything he was holding down before making himself comfortable, along with getting a spot for Kuroo ready. The two just spent the night watching movies. Kenma was enjoying himself and the time he was getting to spend with Kuroo. On the other hand, Kuroo was desperate for the night to end so that they could go to bed so that while Kenma was sleeping, he’d be able to give Tsukishima that call he had been waiting for.

In his office room, Kuroo selected Tsukki’s contact, immediately giving him the call.

“Took you long enough- How are you?”

“Hahah, sorry about that. I had to wait for Kenma to fall asleep so that I could call you.”

“Don’t mention his name right now, I just want to focus on us.”

“Of course. Fuck, I just want to go back there. I’m not going to lie, it’s boring as hell here.”

“So why don’t you? Just try to go back before Kenma wakes up again. But, if it’s boring, why don’t you just leave already?

“I’m still engaged to him! And there are just 5 months left till we’re supposed to get married.”

“So?”

Kuroo paused, not knowing how to reply.

“...Tsukki, please. Please understand that as much as I love you, I can’t just leave Kenma right now. Not now. 

A scoff from the other end of the phone was heard, but Kuroo couldn’t blame him for reacting that way. Right now, he wanted to be with Tsukki instead of Kenma. He wanted to be beside Tsukki again, laying shirtless in his bed.

“I’ll call in sick from work tomorrow, okay? But I’ll still pretend to go to work as an excuse to leave, and then I’ll meet you at your apartment. How does that sound?” Kuroo continued

“I’ll see you.”

After they both agreed, Kuroo decided to go back to bed, reminding Tsukki that they’d meet again the following day. As Kuroo adjusted his pillow and pulled the blanket over himself again, he felt Kenma’s arms wrap around him, pulling himself closer.

\----------

Kuroo once again woke up at his usual time and got dressed for “work”. While alone in the living room since Kenma was still asleep, Kuroo called his boss, forcing a tired and raspy voice to make his lie seem more believable, excusing himself from having to attend work that day. After being given the day off to rest, Kuroo left the apartment quickly to make it seem like he had already left for work. Not long after that, he found himself walking into the now-familiar environment of Tsukishima’s cold apartment that was filled with the faint scent of coffee and last evening’s alcohol.

Tsukki pulled Kuroo closer by his collar, moving his hands to the back of Kuroo’s head to stop him in case Kuroo ever tried to pull away, then proceeded him to give him a heavy kiss. A smile formed on his face, “I missed you.”

Kuroo kissed Tsukki back, gently stroking his arm signaling him to let go.

“Aw, but I was just here yesterday.”

“Still. But anyway, I’m just glad that you’re here now.”

“I know you hate it when I bring Kenma up, but I’m just getting concerned about what I’m going to do about him.” Kuroo said with a little guilt and sadness in his voice

“Just do what you’ve been doing for the past month. He believes EVERYTHING you tell him anyway.”

“But what are WE going to when I get closer to the marriage? What’s going to happen to us?”

Tsukishima stayed silent for a few seconds, “Two things, Tetsurou. One, get married to Kenma, whatever, but we still see. Two, you tell Kenma about us and break things off with him now. Or actually, three. What are we? How serious is our relationship going to get?”

“Kei, I love you, alright? I want to be with you, but I’m honestly just so confused with everything, especially with Kenma.”

“Fuck… okay. Can we please just go to my room? I don’t want to think about bullshit like this at this time in the morning.”

“I know. Sorry for bringing it up. But anyway…” Kuroo said as he set his bag and blazer down on a dining room chair and made his way to the bedroom, “You’re my main focus right now.”

>>

A sharp sigh was let out by Tsuki, who had already taken his shirt and pants off. Kuroo followed along, moving to kiss and leave marks all over Tsukishima’s body. Everything around the two started to speed up and get hotter, as they slowly fell into being a hot and horny mess.

_ Am I only with Kei for sexual pleasure? No- I really do care about him. I really do love him. I also still have a heart for Ken-ken. Shit, what have I gotten myself into? _

“F- fuck..”

_ Stop thinking about this. _

Kuroo tried to catch his breath from the pleasure.

As Tsukishima noticed that Kuroo was getting slightly distracted, he folded one of his legs up and grabbed Kuroo by his shoulder and waist, flipping him around to switch their positions.

“If you’re fucking thinking about Kenma right now, I’ll fuck you so hard that you forget everything. You won’t even be able to talk, so why don’t you be a good boy and focus on me if you want to spare yourself the pain?” Tsukki said in a harsh voice as his hands wrapped around Kuroo’s neck.

Kuroo obliged, not wanting to reclaim his dominant spot or anger Tsukishima more. Kenma never showed much interest in sex, so Kuroo hadn’t gotten to feel this way in quite a while. Maybe this was what drew him to Tsukishima?

Once they had both finished and were a sweaty, panting, and moaning mess, Kuroo took on the role to clean up and help with aftercare.

<<

\----------

Tsukishima glared at Kuroo as he spaced out, lost in some thought of his.

“Kuroo, you’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, Kei. I know that you hate it when I don’t give you my full attention, focus, whatever- but please understand the situation.”

“I know, I know.”

“Get it sorted out when you can. Figure something out. Remember the options we discussed earlier? It’s either you tell him now and leave Kenma, leave me but continue to hide this from Kenma, or get married to kenma and still see me.”

It was all on him now, and Kuroo had no idea what to do. He had no intentions of hurting Kenma more, he didn’t want to have to lie to him anymore, but if Kenma were to find out about Tsukishima now, it would completely shatter his heart, break him. Kuroo also had no idea what things Tsukishima would do to Kenma if Kuroo chose to stay with him, and he didn’t know if he wanted to take that risk.

_ Who..do I love more? _

\----------

Kenma woke up at 11:30 am as his final morning alarm rang, realizing that he had been subconsciously hitting the snooze button earlier. He got up and made his way to the living room, not expecting to have to interact with anyone, knowing that Kuroo had already gone to work much earlier in the morning. Not wanting to put much effort into anything that day, he grabbed a slice of bread from a bag and ate it as it was while walking to his laptop. He sighed as he opened his email, skimming through the topics of each one to see which emails he needed to prioritize responding to.

Kenma rested his head back, turning to look out the window. The sun let out a dim glow, covered by the clouds. It was relatively quiet for this time of the day, but Kenma didn’t mind, since he would always prefer silence anyway. Loud noises always set an uneasy feeling in him, and for some reason made his chest feel heavy, which he didn’t know why sound alone did this to him, but he had gotten used to it at this point, and learned to ignore the feeling. 

Kenma lost track of what time it was, fully consumed by endlessly typing on his keyboard. Click, type, send, repeat. At least this seemingly endless cycle wouldn’t continue for the rest of the month, since he had multiple meetings that he was required to attend at the Bouncing Ball office since they were planning to collaborate with the MSBY Black Jackals team to make merch. He fell back into being lost in work, completely forgetting what time it was once again. Everything was a blur again, and Kenma hadn’t realized how late it was getting already. He checked his phone, noticing that it was almost 7 pm. Kuroo wasn’t supposed to be home for another hour or so, so Kenma ordered a food delivery for both him and Kuroo for when he got back. 

While this was happening, Kuroo had also noticed how late it was getting now too, and he also got ready to leave Tsukishima’s apartment. Tsukki made sure to remind Kuroo what he had to think about before letting him go. Kuroo kept his eyes to the floor, contemplating every single life decision that he has made, and how they all eventually led him to be in the situation that he was in right now. He scoffed to himself as he was walking back, filled with regret and fear of having to hurt someone he loved. No matter what choice he would make, one person would be unhappy and broken, and he would still have to also live with knowing that.

_ Great. Absolutely fucking great. _

He got back home, immediately walking up to Kenma and giving him an unexpected hug. It hurt, everything hurt so much. He didn’t want to hurt Kenma like this any longer. Kuroo felt himself become weaker as Kenma tried to hold him up, before Kuroo completely gave in, tears falling from his eyes, dragging across his cheek, before finally getting absorbed into Kenma’s hoodie. His tears were silent as Kenma held him, but silent tears carry pounds of emotions. Kuroo didn’t feel like he could confide in anyone regarding his problem with Kenma and Tsukishima, fearing full judgment and people talking behind his back about what he was doing. After being forced to bottle everything in, finally being able to let go felt...good, but Kenma couldn’t find out the true reason why he was in tears.

“W- What happened?”

Kuroo closed his eyes for a second as he took in a breath, trying to give himself the ability to talk, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break down on you like this.”

“It’s alright babe, do you want to talk about what happened?”

Kuroo stared at the wall, vision still blurry with tears.

_ Lie. You can’t let him know. _

“Sorry, I guess I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. Im still… a bit hurt I guess from when you had those doubts about me. I was scared that you didn’t trust me, that you thought I was the type to cheat on someone, especially you? I don’t know, it just, botheres me till this day. I’ve also just been so busy and stressed out with work, it’s overwhelming. Im just so tired, Kenma.”

Kenma was struck with what Kuroo said. He was scared now too. Scared of having put Kuroo through this and throw him into this mindset of fear that he previously had a month ago.

“Kuroo....I didn’t know you still felt that way. Im so sorry I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I don’t think that way anymore. I trust you, I trust you more than anybody. I know you’d never lie to me too, and that you wouldn’t cheat on me. Im sorry for making you think all of that-” .

Kuroo pulled Kenma in for a hug again, a slight smile forming on his face behind Kenma’s shoulder, where he wouldn’t be able to notice it. A light wave of comfort washed over him, happy that he managed to prevent Kenma from finding out that he was with Tsukishima. Pulling away from Kenma, he moved his arm up to dry his face, but was stopped by Kenma’s gentle hand, who was already wiping his tears for him.

“Thank you. I love you...Kenma.”

“I love you too.” Kenma replied as he looked up into Kuroo’s eyes.

“You must have had an extremely draining day at work, do you just want to go to bed earlier today? I ordered some food, if you’re feeling up to that.” He continued, motioning towards the two plates that were set on the dining table.

Kuroo gave Kenma a light pat on the head then walked over to the dining room table, pulling out a chair for himself as Kenma followed. The two managed to hold a light conversation while eating, making a few jokes here and there to lift the mood in the room up. Once they were done and threw containers away and put the dishes in the washer, Kuroo made his way to the bathroom to change into more comfortable clothes while Kenma already got into bed to wait for Kuroo. Upon unbuttoning his dress shirt, Kuroo was greeted by the fresh, red marks from earlier that morning. Kuroo stared down at them, starting to miss Tsukishima again. He quickly shook that thought out of his head, remembering that Kenma was waiting for him in bed. Reaching out for a house shirt and putting it on, he finished preparing himself for bed and got in with Kenma. 

Darkness surrounded them. Darkness, cold air, silence, and slight tension surrounded them as they both had to think of what to say to “mend” the problems from earlier. 

“Tetsurou.”

Kuroo rolled over, turning to face Kenma. More silence.

“I want you to know that you can trust me, okay? Please. Please don’t be scared to tell me about anything that has been bothering you, because I want to be able to do what I can to help you. I don’t like seeing you keep your emotions to yourself, Tetsu.”

“I know, Ken-ken. I'm sorry for making you worry. From now on, no more secrets, okay?” Kuroo said in a soft voice, which was slowly trailed off as he began to drift into sleep.

“I love you, Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“Kozume Kenma, I love you too. Thank you.”

\----------

Kenma stayed up for a while as Kuroo slept beside him, deep in thoughts once again. He was glad that Kuroo had finally shown himself being upset and sad, after not showing those emotions for a while. He was glad that Kuroo still found comfort in him. It made him happy.

Kenma felt himself grow more tired, as he also noticed his vision going in and out of focus and he started to lose his senses. He soon fell asleep, unable to hear the light chime come from Kuroo’s phone.

**[TSUKKI]:** How are things, darling?

**[TSUKKI]:** You haven’t texted me since you left my place.

**[TSUKKI]:** If Kenma is bothering you again, you can always just come back here <3


	6. Chapter 6

4 months were left until the marriage. Kuroo was surprised that he was able to keep his lie up for this long, especially with the number of times Kenma had almost found out due to photos that were posted but very quickly taken down, notifications on his phone that would have easily been seen, and many other reasons. Up till now, it hadn’t been decided if he was going to continue keeping this a secret from Kenma or if he would tell him and end their relationship. Tsukishima got more impatient with Kuroo, awaiting his final decision.

As the days went on, Kuroo started spending less time at home with Kenma, who didn’t seem to mind or put much thought into it. Sure, Kenma did sometimes wish that he got to spend more time with Kuroo, but still strongly under the belief that his beloved fiancé would never do anything to hurt him, he let things like these go. No matter how repetitive and blunt Kuroo’s lies were, they were always believed, never doubted, and all helped him to get Kenma under his full control.

\----------

“Babe, I’ll be needing to go on a work trip in a week. Bouncing Ball is planning to have a few collaborations with several different companies, so I’ll be gone for 2 weeks, alright? Just a small heads up!” Kenma said one night while both he and Kuroo were eating dinner.

“Mmhm, I see. Don’t forget to get me a small souvenir, okay?” Kuroo joked.

Kenma smiled in return, nodding his head. Kuroo, knowing that he’d have the house to himself for this long, saw it as his chance to bring Tsukishima over. Kuroo paused when he realized that he immediately thought of this the moment Kenma said that he’d be going away.

_Why am I happy that Kenma will be away for this long? Do...Do I love Kei more? Fuck- what do I do?_

“Tetsurou? You there? It looks like you’re spacing out.” Kenma said as he waved his hand in front of Kuroo’s face.

“Yeah- yeah, sorry. I’m fine, don't worry! Probably just me being a little tired again.” Kuroo replied.

Kenma looked back down at his food, feeling uneasy about Kuroo’s replies for some reason. They felt cold, dry, even a little suspicious. Kenma wanted to push those thoughts away again, remembering that they were exactly what caused the argument a few months ago. He had managed to convince himself that he was simply overthinking this again and that he didn’t need to be so insecure or have his guard up just because of the way Kuroo had responded. Maybe he really was just tired, nothing more than that?

_Kozume Kenma. Relax._

Kenma couldn’t relax though, his mind constantly wandering off to this topic whenever he’d try to get any work done, while he was playing games, or when trying to do anything, really. The days leading up to the day he was scheduled to leave for his trip went by quickly, and before Kenma realized it, he was already standing in the doorway, a small suitcase standing next to him and his laptop bag in his hand. Kuroo placed his hands on Kenma’s shoulders as he adjusted the cuffs on his sleeves.

_2 weeks._

“I should get going...I wouldn’t want to miss the train.” Kenma abruptly said as he checked the time on his phone.

“Aww, leaving so soon? Well, take care and have a safe trip Kitten.” Kuroo whispered in Kenma’s ear as he leaned closer to kiss him.

“I’ll miss you! Let’s try to call whenever we can, okay? I love you, Tetsu.”

“Love you too, Ken-ken.”

As Kenma sat in his Uber, waiting to be taken to the station, he settled on how he would use this trip to focus on work, and not get distracted by the thoughts, doubts, and insecurities he was having once again about Kuroo. Again, with only 4 months left, he didn’t want to ruin anything with “shit like this”, as he’d call his thoughts. Kenma in the end still had faith and trust in Kuroo and would hate himself if he ever made Kuroo feel scared, hurt, or even cry again, remembering what had also happened a month ago, when Kuroo broke down. Kenma could still remember Kuroo’s words clearly:

_“I’m still… a bit hurt I guess from when you had those doubts about me. I was scared that you didn’t trust me, that you thought I was the type to cheat on someone, especially you? I don’t know, it just bothers me till this day. I’ve also just been so busy and stressed out with work, it’s overwhelming. I’m just so tired, Kenma.”_

_Damn it._

_Okay, just, focus on your work, the meetings, and call Kuroo every night._

Kenma thanked the driver as he got out of the car and began walking to the station his train was supposed to be at and continued with his trip. While this was happening, Kuroo had already texted Tsukishima, inviting him to come over, all so soon. It was like Kuroo didn’t even hesitate, and he would have even informed Tsukishima sooner while Kenma hadn’t even left the house yet if it weren’t for Kenma wanting to have Kuroo near him while getting ready. Kenma watched the trees and buildings blur as the train ran, appreciating it in silence.

_Things will be okay._

\----------

Kuroo ran to the door as he heard the doorbell ring, followed by the knocking pattern he was so familiar with.

“Hmmph, took you long enough,” Tsukishima said jokingly in a snarky tone.

Kuroo narrowed his eyes, smiling at Tsukishima softly.

“Come in. You can visit whenever you want for the next 2 weeks, Kenma will be away anyway, so everything will be okay.”

Tsukishima laughed as he entered, taking his shoes off. “Have you decided what you’re going to do about him?”

“You. You are the one I want.” Kuroo said with almost no hesitation in his voice, as if he had been planning to say that sentence for weeks now. It felt so natural to say that he wanted Tsukki, compared to his own fiancé, but when he came to terms with how natural it felt, he started to think of ways to “get rid of Kenma.” How would he be able to tell Kenma, or somehow remove him from his life?

“Good.” Tsukishima said in a firm tone.

Tsukishima and Kuroo proceeded to spend the next week together at home, Kuroo still needing time and silence from Tsukki so that he could attend to Kenma’s daily calls. Both Kuroo and Tsukki found the calls annoying but Kuroo had to comply, just so that he wouldn’t have to upset Kenma, yet. Kuroo had already decided that he was going to play with Kenma for a little longer, before eventually leaving for Tsukishima. He didn’t care if he’d have to move out because he could always just move in with Tsukishima, which he already offered to anyway. Seeing Kenma hurt, confused, and desperate satisfied Kuroo, made him happy, it made him feel like he was in control. But, was he in control? Who was?

Kenma was so caught up with the endless meetings he had, that he was often too tired to notice Kuroo’s unusual behavior on their calls together. This didn’t seem to matter to either of them since Kenma was just happy to be able to hear Kuroo’s voice, and Kenma not being able to give his full attention and think straight because of his exhaustion in the end just benefitted Kuroo more by being able to cover Tsukki up more. 

\----------

Tsukishima and Kuroo were both sitting in bed, enjoying the time they had together.

“Ugh, just 4 more days till Kenma is supposed to be back, right?”

“Unfortunately. But let’s see what I can do to toy with him more when he does come back.”

“Fucking pathetic ass bitch, really blinded by his love for you, isn’t he?” Tsukishima laughed.

“It’s funny, really. God, how gullible is he? He’s so quick to believe whatever the fuck I say.”

“Kenma’s always let himself get pushed over by things anyway, I’m not surprised, honestly.”

“Yeah, ever since we were kids, he would always just go with whatever happens. He hates arguing back because it’s a waste of energy and time to him, so he doesn’t bother. Plus, he’s such an overthinker, always letting his thoughts overcome him, which is an advantage to us.”

“And that… is just perfect,” Tsukishima said in a low voice, as he moved to sit on Kuroo’s lap while facing him.

Kuroo glanced at the time. **10:15 pm.**

“Oh, good. Kenma usually calls at 9:30, but it’s already getting quite late. He probably got tired or forgot to. But that doesn’t matter right now anyway. We’re here, together.”

Kuroo aggressively grabbed Tsukkishima’s face, pulling him closer to kiss him. Kuroo wanted to show Tsukishima how much he truly loved him. 

_Fuck Kenma. I don’t need him. Nobody does._

Tsukishima returned Kuroo’s love, wanting to also please and pleasure him in return. The two were so caught in the moment that they were unable to hear the front door open. His footsteps and any movement he made were apparently too quiet to be noticed, all until the bedroom door was opened.

“...Tetsu?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i'll be able to write a lot next chapter because i like writing fights even though they hurt :)


	7. Chapter 7

“...Tetsu?”

Kenma felt like his heart had been ripped out, stabbed, and stepped on. An overwhelming amount of pain and anger filled him as he comprehended the sight of seeing Tsukishima on top of Kuroo. Kuroo immediately pushed Tsukishima away from him.

“Kenma- let me explain.”

“Let you explain? Kuroo what the fuck? I do not need a fucking explanation from you. I’ve already seen enough to know exactly what the hell is going on here.” Kenma sighed in disbelief.

“Kenma please, listen to me.”

“LISTEN TO YOU? Kuroo, I TRUSTED you.”

Kenma glanced over to Tsukishima, who was silently staring back at him, a devilish smirk on his face, clearly not caring about what was happening at the moment. Kenma felt more weight add onto his shoulders, making his breathing unstable. Tears filled his eyes as Kenma had flashbacks of all the happy and romantic moments he had with Kuroo. Kenma also remembered the time Kuroo had “cried” when he got home, realizing that it was all an act.

“So, you’re telling me that the time you came home and cried, it wasn’t genuine?”

“...I’m Sorry, I-”

“SHUT UP. You lied! You lied again and I fell for it!”

“Well, what the hell did you expect me to do? You never wanted to fuck so obviously I had to find someone else.” Kuroo said as he started to become more defensive of his actions while gesturing towards Tsukishima.

“So is that what love is for you? Just having someone to satisfy your horny ass and fuck? The happy memories that we’ve had since we were kids- do those not mean anything to you? What was I to you? Was everything we’ve had just one-sided love? Our definitions of it are CLEARLY different, Tetsurou.”

Silence filled the room as Kenma finished his sentence.

“You’ve never been loved, I can tell,” Tsukishima spoke up.

Kenma stayed silent as he analyzed what Tsukki just said. Had he ever been loved? Kuroo was the only person Kenma had ever had feelings for, but now knowing that all Kuroo really wanted to do was just have somebody to fuck in a relationship, which he had only done once or twice while in high school, he started questioning if he had ever gotten genuine love in his life. It didn’t seem like it. More emotions overcame Kenma, anger, sadness, and insecurity swirling around him like a storm. Kuroo moved closer to Kenma, reaching his arm out to touch him, but Kenma shoved him away, not wanting to be touched by anyone, especially Kuroo at that moment.

Kuroo looked over to Tsukishima; “Kei, please leave.”

Tsukishima scoffed and rolled his eyes as he collected his belongings, giving Kenma a fake smile as he left. Kenma had to hold himself back from throwing himself onto Tsukishima and giving him a few punches, not wanting to make the situation worse by involving physical harm to anyone. While it all hurt so much, and while Kenma hated both Tsukishima and Kuroo so much at that moment, and was pretty much ready to kill them if he was going to be honest, he wanted to prevent himself from doing anything that he’d regret. Kuroo and Kenma looked at each other in silence, Kenma’s eyes still filled with pain, until they both heard the front door close. Tsukishima had finally left.

“Please don’t look at me with such hatred.”

“The fuck did you just say? Don’t look at you with such hatred? I think I have every right to, especially after you cheated on me? We have been dating since high school. Do you see this ring on my finger? Look at your hand too. You see these rings? 4 months, Kuroo. We were supposed to get married in 4 fucking months. How long have you been seeing Tsukishima? How long have you been lying to me?”

“...One year.” Kuroo’s voiced was filled with sudden guilt and shame.

Kenma’s eyes widened, shocked and amused at how long this had been going on.

_ How the fuck did I not notice any of this sooner. _

“So. What are we going to do now?” Kenma said as his voice and body shook.

“Kenma, we can try to fix this. Please, let me do something.”

“Fix this? Please, you might as well resign from your current job and sign up for a job at a circus as a clown. You know, maybe you should go talk to Fukunaga! He’s a comedian now, right?”

Kuroo suddenly moved even closer to Kenma, grabbing him by his wrist and necktie.

“Listen to me, bitch.”

In response, Kenma decided to bite Kuroo’s hand as hard as he could.

“Kenma what the fuck? You’re crazy.”

“Oh, I’m the crazy one? Tetsurou Kuroo. YOU are the one who cheated on me, LIED to me for a whole fucking year? Manipulated me? I was too blinded by my love for you to see that before but now it is crystal clear. And what makes everything crazier? Despite all of that, you seriously still think that I’m just going to forgive you like that? Forget about this whole incident with Tsukishima Kei? You expect us to still get back together? You are out of your god damn mind.”

Kenma took a few steps back, scared that Kuroo was going to make a move closer and hurt him again.

“Kei is right. I guess I never did love you.”

Kenma felt another knife stab his heart.

Pain.

Sadness.

_ He never loved me. Of course. _

“I hate you.” Kenma said bluntly.

“No, you don’t.”

“You are everything I hate. Leave, and don’t ever come back.”

“Kenma, you know that you don’t mean any of that right now. You’re just tired from work.”

“Yes Kuroo, I am so fucking tired right now, but at least I’m still able to think straight and have some sense in what I say.”

“Why the hell did you even come home early? You weren’t supposed to be back for another four days.”

“I came home early to surprise you.”

“Surprise me?”

“You’re really forgetting what today is? You really thought that I would be away from you on our anniversary?”

“Fuck- Kenma- I’m so sorry I completely forgot about that.”

“Save it, Tetsurou! It doesn’t even matter now.”

Kenma reached into his bag, pulling out a small photo album, card, and a box of Kuroo’s favorite chocolates, then proceeded to throw it at Kuroo’s face.

“Happy anniversary.”

“Kitten, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“First off, do not call me kitten. You have no right to call me kitten. Second, you do realize that I am never forgiving you for this, right?”

“Kenma please, I… I still love you.” Kuroo blurted out, nearly breaking.

_ Why did saying “I love you” to Kenma also feel...right? _

“Damn it Kuroo,” Kenma spoke softly, frustration filling his voice. He realized that he still had a place in his heart for Kuroo, but he didn’t want to open that hole in his heart for him again. He knew that it would be wrong for him to get back with Kuroo, and he was unsure of how to react anymore. With the aggressive way Kuroo had treated him 5 minutes ago, compared to the kindness and sympathy now, Kenma was so puzzled by how to react. He opted to stay silent, relying on Kuroo to say something next.

Kuroo thought back to what Kenma said earlier about him only using Tsukishima for sex and pleasure, for his own wants and desires. Kuroo still did love Kenma and Tsukki, but he realized that his “true love” was Kenma. Kenma was right about love being more than just sex, and it now felt wrong to leave Kenma for Tsukishima, just because he was able to feel that pleasure with Tsukki.

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. _

Kuroo realized how much his fucked up actions affected Kenma. Kuroo knew that Tsukki could care less about how Kenma was feeling.

Kenma looked into Kuroo’s eyes, which looked back down at him with regret.

“I’ll leave. I’ll never show my face to you again. We’ll call off the marriage, I’ll admit what I did to everyone. Just, forget about me, try to move on, and take care of yourself, okay?”

Kenma didn’t know how to react as he watched Kuroo immediately walk back into their room and pulled out two suitcases, walking around the room to collect all of his clothes, electronics, and all of his other belongings. A bittersweet feeling filled the room, the grief of losing someone you had loved for more than half your life in this way, but happy that they were now leaving and the pain would eventually, hopefully, subside and go away. Kenma didn’t want to be hurt anymore, not by Kuroo.

Around an hour later filled with silent tears, Kuroo had his bags packed and was ready to leave. He had other plans in mind and didn’t feel like going to Tsukishima’s apartment. He didn’t know where he was going to go yet, but he knew that this was the end of things between him and Kenma.

Standing at the doorway with suitcases reminded Kuroo of when Kenma was going for his work trip a week and a half ago.

_ Maybe if Kenma hadn’t gone on the trip, I could have- no. I shouldn’t be wishing to lie to him more. Kenma… Doesn’t deserve this. I deserve to be the one to suffer. God- just hit me with a car, please. _

“Goodbye, Kuroo.”

“Take care, Kozume. Please, find someone who treats you properly, okay?”

Kenma nodded while looking to the side. He couldn’t bear to look at Kuroo right now. His heart hurt so much, everything hurt so much, but there was nothing that could be done. Kuroo cheated and manipulated him, and Kenma didn’t want to be around someone who could do that because it’d just hurt him more in the future. Kuroo was filled with self-hatred and guilt, anger at himself that he ruined “the perfect relationship.”. If he hadn’t made the mistakes he made, they both could have still been in a happy and healthy relationship.

“I’ll leave now.”

“Take care, Kuroo.”

The door shut, separating the two boys. Kenma fell to the ground, back against the door, and sobbed. Painful cries filling the house, his head, and slipped out from under the door for Kuroo to hear too.

_ I’m so sorry, Kenma. You deserved so much better. _

Kuroo took his phone out and dialed Tsukishima’s number, immediately hanging up after saying what was on his mind.

“My life was ruined because of one mistake. You were that mistake.”


	8. The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this during my science class so now idk how to answer my hw but anyway

“That motherfucker did what?” Bokuto exclaimed.

“Cheated. Yeah.” Kenma said quietly.

“Kenma, do you want Keiji and I to talk to- maybe even kill him?”

“Kou, let Kenma talk.” Keiji said as he tried to calm Koutarou’s anger down.

“No- that isn’t necessary. I’m honestly just… I don’t know what to do or believe anymore. I loved Kuroo, you guys know that. Maybe I still do for fucks sake, I don’t know how I’ll be able to move on. He was the first person I ever showed romantic love to, but now that that’s gone, I’m not even sure what love is! It’s all distorted for me. I- fuck-” Kenma explained as he tried to choke back his tears.

Keiji looked over to Kotarou in a panic, concerned and worried about what to do next. The two were worried about Kenma since they had also known Kenma and Kuroo since high school, and also got to see how their relationship started and changed through the years. They both had the same idea in mind, but Kotarou felt as if he should be the one to speak, having been closer to Kuroo.

“Nobody should be around a cheating bitch like that. As lovers, or simply as friends, I do not support what Kuroo did in any way. Based on what you told us, that manipulative rooster-head deserves to go burn, along with Tsukishima. I’m cutting him off and blocking him too.” Koutarou said firmly. Keiji nodded in agreement, placing his hand on Kenma’s shoulder to comfort him.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, feeling cared for by both of his friends.

After a brief moment of silence, Keiji suddenly had a small realization.

“Wait, aside from us, does anybody else actually know about what’s been happening?” Keiji questioned out of curiosity.

“I’ve wanted to tell Shoyo about it too since the start of all of this bullshit but I didn’t want to bother him that much since I noticed that he’s been pretty occupied with his own personal things so...aside from that, nope. Just you guys.”

“I think you should tell him when you can, you consider him as a close friend, right?” Kotarou asked.

“Of course I do. I’ll… Let him know later. I may still need to do a few things first, I’m not sure.”

“Take your time, okay? Remember that Keiji and I will always be here to support you.”

“And please, feel free to talk to us if you ever need anything.” Keiji added on.

“I don’t know what I’d do without your guy’s help. I really appreciate it!” Kenma said, trying to wipe his tears and smile.

Later on, when both Keiji and Kotarou left, Kenma sat alone in his gaming room. Upon noticing a photo of Kuroo on his desk, he immediately threw it into the trash can. Before continuing, Kenma went around the house, throwing all of Kuroo’s photos away in the trash can where it belonged. He knew that this was one of the first few steps he’d need to take to be able to move on. Finally, after around 30 minutes, Kenma was sure that he was done. He walked back to his gaming room and sat down in a beanbag to get more comfortable.

_ The hell. _

He searched through his contacts, looking for Hinata.

_ Shoyo.21! - Active _

_ Perfect. _

His phone continuously rang.

“Kenma! How are you? How’s Kuroo?”

“Oh, we have a lot to talk about!”

“Go on, I’m listening.”

\----------

- **5 years later-**

Kenma walked through the aisles of the grocery store, picking out a few drinks and snacks. As he was busy trying to select which chocolate he wanted to get, he felt a cart bump into his leg. Surprised, he jumped up, then looked over to what had caused the mild pain he just experienced. Looking up, he saw the familiar hair and face.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright, Kuroo.” Kenma said bluntly as he glanced back to the shelves, grabbed what he needed, and started to walk away.

“I’m… I’m still  _ a little _ regretful for what I did before. I’m sorry.”

“It’s the past, Kuroo. That was years ago. I’ve moved on. Speaking of which, how is Tsukishima doing? Surely you’re having more fun with him, right?” Kenma turned around to continue talking to Kuroo.

“Oh um, Tsukishima...ended up cheating on me.”

Kenma laughed to himself.

_ How funny- _

“Doesn’t feel too good, does it?” He said smugly.

Kuroo realized that Kenma was right. It felt horrible when he found that Tsukishima was seeing someone else. He now understood what it felt like for Kenma, but was still aware that Kenma hurt so much more because of how he broke 16 years of friendship, trust, and love.

“No, it doesn’t. I was wrong, I never should have done anything to hurt you. I’m so sorry, Kenma. We can try again- please- we can restart! Even as friends, I don’t care about us being lovers again, maybe, we can just be friends?” Kuroo said in a hopeful voice, seemingly desperate to fix his past mistakes.

“To think I’m going to let you back into my life after what you did? Hell no! Kuroo you HURT me, and I don't want to even be friends with someone who cheats and manipulates. Koutarou and Keiji didn’t want to either if you haven’t caught on yet. I don’t need toxicity like that in my life. Even if you’ve changed, I’ve moved on, and quite honestly you aren’t that relevant to me anymore. Plus, I know how to do something better than you can.”

Kenma held up his hand, showing an unfamiliar ring.

“Stay loyal.”

“Wait, who?” Kuroo asked, confused, shocked to see that Kenma had already found someone else.

“Shoyo taught me what love really was. He taught me how to love and accept myself. I don’t have the same thoughts anymore like I did with you.”

“Oh, so you’re going to get married to him?”   
  


A few footsteps were heard, headed towards Kenma and Kuroo.

“He already is.” Shoyo said with a smile on his face.

“Right- I’m happy for you guys, congratulations! I’ll, uh, go now…” Kuroo hesitantly said.

Kuroo turned his head down in shame and embarrassment, eyes looking to the side. He turned around and walked away silently, completely at a loss for words. He knew that he missed a great love opportunity with Kenma, how he ruined their friendship even, and how he would never be able to get anything like that back ever again. He began to realize how much his actions had hurt others, and he genuinely hated himself for this. He was upset that he wasn’t able to be the one to make Kenma happy, but he understood that he needed to move on too. Kenma already had.

_ It seems like you found somebody who does treat you better. Be happy, Kenma. You deserve it. _


End file.
